Word Salad: Why Narcissist Conversations Go in Circles

Have you ever walked into a conversation to ask a simple question, and walked out two hours later apologizing for something you didn't do, wondering what on earth just happened?

You feel dizzy. Your brain feels foggy. You can't remember how the argument started, but you know you feel terrible.

You didn't just have a fight. You were served "Word Salad."

What Is Word Salad?

Word Salad is a manipulation tactic often used by narcissists, sociopaths, and high-conflict people. It is a mix of unrelated phrases, circular arguments, projection, and nonsense logic thrown at you at high speed.

The goal isn't to communicate. The goal is to confuse.

When you are confused, you are vulnerable. You stop fighting for your point because you are too busy trying to decipher theirs. It's like trying to play chess while they are playing dodgeball—you are looking for logic, and they are just throwing things at your head.

"It's like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall. The more you try to pin down their point, the messier it gets."

Why This Works on You (And Why That's Not Your Fault)

If you are a logical, empathetic person, Word Salad is your kryptonite. Why? Because your brain is wired to make sense of language.

When someone speaks to us, we instinctively try to connect the dots. We think, "Surely they have a point here, I just need to listen harder to understand it."

The manipulator relies on this. They know you will twist yourself into knots trying to interpret their nonsense. You aren't "stupid" for falling for it; you are falling for it because you are trying to be a good listener. You are bringing logic to a chaos fight.

Real Examples of Word Salad

Word Salad is hard to describe until you see it, but once you see it, you'll realize you've been listening to it for years.

Example 1: The Deflection

The Situation: You ask why they came home at 3 AM when they said they'd be back at 10 PM.

Them: "Time is a construct that you use to control me. You're always focused on the 'when' and never on the 'why.' It's just like your sister, always thinking she's better than everyone because she has a watch. I was out there thinking about our future and building a life, and you're here staring at a clock. You have no vision for us. It's sad, really, how small your world is."

What's happening:

• Topic switch: From "where were you" to "time is a construct."
• Attack: Accusing you of being controlling.
• Irrelevant detail: Bringing up your sister.
• Guilt trip: Claiming they were "building a life" while doing who-knows-what.
• The Result: You start defending your sister or explaining you aren't controlling, and the original question (where were you?) is gone.

Example 2: The Pseudo-Intellectual Spaghetti

The Situation: You try to set a boundary about them yelling at you.

Them: "I'm not yelling, I'm passionately projecting my truth. You perceive it as volume because you have a trauma response to authority. If you had actually done the work on yourself, you'd see that this is merely a dialogue of intensity. You're projecting your own anger onto my expression of love. It's actually very narcissistic of you to tone-police my emotions."

What's happening:

• Redefining reality: "I'm not yelling."
• Therapy-speak weaponization: Using terms like "trauma response" and "projecting" incorrectly to silence you.
• DARVO: They deny the abuse and attack you for being the abuser (calling you the narcissist).

How to Respond / What to Do

The most important thing to realize is that you cannot reason with word salad. You cannot translate it. You cannot "fix" it by explaining yourself better.

If you try to explain, you are just adding more ingredients to the salad.

Script 1: The Broken Record

Don't engage with the nonsense. Stick to your original point.

You: "I hear that you're upset about a lot of things, but I asked why you were late."

Script 2: The Gray Rock

If they are spiraling, stop feeding them energy. (See our full guide on Gray Rock responses).

You: "I'm not going to follow this conversation anymore. It's going in circles."

Script 3: The Exit

The best way to win is to stop playing.

You: "This conversation is no longer productive. I'm going to take a break."

When This Gets Dangerous

Word Salad is mentally exhausting. Over time, it causes a state called "cognitive fatigue." You get so tired of trying to make sense of things that you just give up and agree with them to make the noise stop.

This is dangerous because you begin to lose your grip on reality. You might start believing their version of events just because it's the loudest one.

If you find yourself constantly confused, start writing things down. Documentation is the antidote to gaslighting. Even if you never show it to anyone, write down exactly what happened so you remember the truth. Check out our guide on how to document emotional abuse.

The Bottom Line

If you leave a conversation feeling like you need a translator, a map, and an aspirin, you aren't crazy. You've just been served Word Salad.

You don't have to eat it. You don't have to understand it. You just have to recognize it, put down the fork, and walk away.

Circular conversations are a trap. The only way out is to stop participating.

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